Son told me last night
"I actually want court (for truancy) because I keep trying and I just keep failing” “I think court will make me be good”
Just when I think I can’t go on and I want to throw in the towel he gives me this tidbit to hold onto.
My son’s counselor told me tonight I am one of the strongest people she has ever met.
I assume she just said it to be nice
What if I could believe it?
Today I am so mad at him. I don’t understand how he can throw everything away. How nothing matters to him. I want to shake him. I want to give him a crystal ball and show him the life he is headed towards.
The thing is, even I have to remember, he did NOT choose this life. It was unfairly given to him.
He did not choose to be on meds for the last 8 years. He did not choose to have to be in therapy for 8 years. He did not choose to have these difficulties. To not have friends. To gain weight from meds. To have side effects. To not be able to sleep. The list goes on.
I am having a hard time wrapping my head around it all today.
He may not get any credits for his first semester of 9th grade. Which means he would not be able to have a normal high school career. Which means he would most likely drop out. This is heart breaking to me. I have known for a long time that being successful in school is a direct indicator of life down the road.
This weekend he took off again. Did drugs. Got drunk.
Today, I do not even know him. He isn’t the same kid as last week. The hope is gone from him. The light in his eyes ins’t there. He just wants more drugs. One time is all it takes and we are back at square one.
I have high shin splints.
Dr. Adam this new fascia thing to me and let me to you OOOMMMGGG owwiee!
The nerve burning was like fire up my leg.
He also pushed in on my bone in areas where “the muscle is pulling the bone out” to put the bone back in.
So much fun.
My legs feel like new again though!!